fun fun fun fun

Go try the truffled popcorn at KYSS!

Lester + bday girl Nini

Didn't try it since I remember finishing 3/4 of the bowl the first time I tried it. HA. Control thyself, woman.

You love her new hair. Admit it.

"Fringe down" season shouldn't have landed on summertime, but whatevs.

M's tummy peeking out, I's fish lips + double peace sign and my top that looks like an itsy bitsy dress-- I don't really know why this photo was posted.

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Had a meeting with Carla and Alessa one night at Borough. Took only 2 photos. Lame.

Rizza's sammich

My salad.

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This blog post's title isn't really what I would describe these past few weeks for me. I've obviously been out of the events scene and I haven't been posting about anything too exciting. When I started this blog I wanted to just post things for myself, but I can't deny that nowadays I want to post things that other people reading can at least appreciate.

There's just so much that I want to write about now but I'm at that point wherein my mind's just too loud and unorganized to even jot down the proper words that could explain myself without leading anyone into thinking that I've gone mental (okay some might agree that I've always been crazy). Bear with me.

STUCK IN A RUT. On most days, as much as I was pushing myself to remain as optimistic and hopeful, I failed to follow the same advice I've given to people since... I don't know, being hailed as a class psychologist in high school? It's true that the negative traits you call out and dislike in other people are things that you distinguish only because you see them in yourself. I am stubborn, pessimistic, cynical and all things negative. YES. When I get left with my own thoughts too often, my fear of complicating the simple things I'm meant to enjoy can overshadow the fact that I WANT to take things lightly. I NEED to just take things one step at a time. I have to be THANKFUL that I am privileged that things are actually happening.

Being patient doesn't necessarily mean that I enjoy waiting. I question myself as to why I'm always rushing things when "Patience is a virtue" is practically my mantra and something I push on other people. And there's this constant thought as to why I even bother to think about my own demons when I know I could be fixing a ton of things surrounding me. Then I get small wake-up calls, from my mum, my seatmate, the bags under my eyes, telling me to slow down and notice that I've been neglecting myself and avoiding the prescribed ME TIME- which is actually time with Him.

Finding the solutions to any of my questions... Whining, crying, joking about quitting... It never helps. Getting advice from others can only get you so far, nobody really knows you. I forget about turning to the only one who's always there- always waiting for you to seek Him. As I get detached from the things I've promised to hold on to, there's a force that never fails to remind me of them. Answers are never too obvious. Things only return to the surface when you stop searching. It's always about trusting the process, strengthening your faith, reconnecting to your sole purpose of being.

Sometimes all it takes is 24 hours to patch up the void and weeks of self doubt. For me, it involved sitting clearheaded through a birthday party, shooting under the extreme heat and then attending the Sunday service to hear just the things I needed to hear. Still digesting a ton of things for me to be able to undulate through the next few months. Not quite how I pictured the answers would get to me. Intuitiveness and conscious reasoning at a tug-of-war again.

I have no right to wallow in self-pity. Note to self: walk at a comfortable pace, or slither if you must- just get to the finish line and start another one-man marathon after a pat on the back. Never make anyone a standard for yourself.

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